Looking Back the Life and Lies of Sirius Black
by M. H. Marie
Summary: Sirius takes some time to recollect his past while in Azkaban. Through happy and bitter memories, are somethings better left forgotten? RR!
1. Prologue  Day One

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Or Sirius Black for that matter.

Note: This is Sirius remembering events while in Azkaban. Excuse his language, he must have forgotten his manners buried in his back yard. (Your cue to laugh.) This is my way of channeling my own inner Sirius-ness. (Okay, maybe that was bad.) And just so you know, Sirius' memories skip around a lot, so they aren't ordered by age.

**Looking Back; the Life and Lies of Sirius Black**

**Prologue**

* * *

Sure, all family lines are bound to trail off someday. Even the old ones, no matter how much some tight-asses hate it. Just like what had happened to the Black line so recently. I bet the tight-asses are weeping into their pillows about it right now.

The most Noble and Ancient Line of Black… dead. Deceased. Departed. Whether through natural or unnatural causes, that entire line has died out. Or married out. But the point is: nobody is alive to bear the name Black. Or, the same Black that sported one of the oldest families for many centuries. What a tragedy. How can the world carry on? I bet they're just weeping their pretty little heads off, the bloody bigheads.

Is it _my_ fault that this 'crisis' occurred? Of course it isn't. Everyone dies at some point, some, younger than others. Do I care about it? No. I never gave a rat's ass about my family's "Holier than thou," shit. Just because our loopy, inbred, and Dark Arts loving family has been around since, practically, the Renaissance, that doesn't mean we're better than everyone else. And I _hated_ how they thought they were. About everything. And what about me? I'm not dead… yet. But I might as well be, for all the good I'm doing.

God, I _really _screwed things up this time. Oh, Jesus Christ… now I sound light about it. How can I make myself sound light about _this?_ Goddamn it! I can just practically _hear_ all the gossip groups all across Europe and Britain whispering about me. Or… what I _allegedly_ did.

"What of the youngest Black?" those have-to-know-it-all buggers ask, in their little 'Truth Circle'.

Another bloody idiot shakes his empty head sorrowfully. "Regulus Black was… er… _bumped off_ by You-Know-Who a long time ago."

A shocked silence. "Well, what happened to the family heir, the older brother?"

Another pause. "Sirius Black? Went loopy, he did. Got himself locked up in Azkaban. Blew up twelve Muggles and his friend, he did. But that was _after_ he betrayed his best mate and the guy's wife and son to You-Know-Who. Remember the Potters?"

A deep gasp. "He didn't!"

"Oh but he did. Fudge told me himself."

"But… they were tighter than brothers, Black and Potter were! I can't imagine dear Sirius ever doing that! But… his family was deeply involved with the Dark Arts… Do you think he cracked and turned to You-Know-Who?"

"That's exactly what I think. That he abandoned Potter and ran away to… _him_. And knowing Black's _experience_ with everything Dark, he quickly made it to the top of You-Know-Who's ranks. And when You-Know-Who was taken out by the Potter boy—the only to survive the Killing Curse, I hear—Black was so mad, his powers just exploded out of him and he purposefully killed his other so called 'best friend' and a load of Muggles."

"Ahh… that makes sense. So Black's in Azkaban now?"

"Yep. That place gives me the heebie-jeebies. And don't even get me started on the guards…"

"I agree. But, at least, there he isn't a danger to society."

"Too true… So did you hear Celestia Warbeck's new song?"

And just like that, they condemn a man without even looking at the entire evidence. Just like Remus. Just like Fudge. Just like the rest of the goddamn world. But truly, they know nothing… about anything.

Especially the fact that, against all odds, I, Sirius Black, _am innocent!_

Author's Note: Did you like it? I had an epiphany yesterday in the shower, so I deleted the pitiful 'story' I had before and made it into this. And wow, there's lots of ideas and possibilities for this one… All I have to do is write them down. Look forward to C1, where we learn little-known facts about Azkaban, and Sirius remembers his first day of school. It should be coming out soon, the latest: Sunday.


	2. Day Four

**Looking Back; the Life and Lies of Sirius Black**

**Day Four**

* * *

There are many things regular people don't know about Azkaban. For example, they don't know that, once a month, and inspector comes around 'cleaning' the place. Cleaning, my left buttock. What the prat does is he takes his prat-ish wand, points it at my terrified inmates (not that I would or will ever feel remorse for them), and hoses us down like dirty dogs. 'So we don't smell up the cell,' he says. What a bastard.

Another thing is, with all the Dementors around, they serve as a pre-made memory charm. The best part is that I don't even need a wand! That was sarcasm, by the way. I'm still surprised that my natural sarcasm-glands haven't run dry yet. Yet… But then again, I've only been in Azkaban for a few days. And it _already_ feels like a lifetime.

But, like a magnet, just _thinking _about the soul-sucking guards draws them near. The ghostly figure cloaked in black glided toward my cell like an angel of death. Oh god… the concrete, magic-proof floor turns icy, so cold it stings my skin. My breath comes out in ragged puffs of visible air.

The demonic creature hovered right outside of my cell's bars. So… cold. It feels like my bones are freezing and if I move them they will shatter. I rub my hands together trying to create friction and squeeze shut my watering eyes.

Like a hair drifting in the wind, a memory floats my way. Not a bad memory, but a memory nonetheless. I pluck it up with the tips of my fingers.

-----

I wiggled madly on Platform Nine 3/4, desperate to escape my mother's grasp. My stomach hopped around like a bullfrog-kangaroo-thing inside of me, and I was so anxious and excited I was about ready to throw up. Only, in a good way. But I wouldn't ever _actually_ throw up because that would have _totally_ ruined my entrance and everyone's first impression of me. That would have been super mega-bad, not to mention Mum would have had a hissy fit.

It was the first day of my very first year at Hogwarts and there were no words that even began to describe how I felt then. Except, maybe, _blender_ might have expressed myself pretty well. And all I knew was that I _did __not__ want to be in Slytherin_. I promised that if I was, I would have dropped out immediately. I swear to God I would have. My whole freagging family was in Slytherin and I really, _really_ didn't want to be 'just another Black'.

I wanted to be in the most awesome house there was and will ever be; Gryffindor. My cousins said that Gryffindor was full of 'noble airheads', but that just made me want to be one of them even more. Anything those idjits hated, I loved. And if I _did_ make it into there, I wondered what their reaction would be like… I laughed. My cousins Bella, Cissy, and Drom were in their fifth year, and they would all probably freak, like, majorly. But that was a _huge_—can I stress that enough?—understatement in Mum's position. (I wince, remembering that incident.) I smiled lopsidedly. I certainly had a knack at peeving—another understatement—my family in general.

I sighed, my evil mother's hands still chained him to her like he was a bad dog. That annoyed me so much. What did she think I would do? Go and piss on the nearest fire hydrant? God, she was so retarded. She always got all fired up for nothing, which made me all fired up, and then she blamed _me_ for being all fired up! She was nuts, I swear to God.

While Mum was talking to that one Lucius Malfoy kid's mother, I took advantage of the situation and ripped free of her viselike grip. I took off, streaking and darting through, over, and under groups of wizard families on the marble Platform Nine and Three Quarters. I turned my head back just for a second to see what Mum's reaction was.

Naturally, Mum looked about ready to explode, her stupid face so red it clashed with her hideous purple brooch, probably debating whether or not she should come chase after me. Which would make Mrs. Malfrey (or something) think she was crazy, or stay there and chat, making her think her irresponsible. I winked and grinned back at her, just to send her over the edge.

A few families were muttering angrily or shaking their fists at me and patting their sons and daughters, probably telling them never to befriend such a hooligan. Hooligan? Me? Of course I was. I laughed like the innocent angel that I was and waved my hand, cupping and rolling it like those silly Muggle beauty pageant queens. (Don't ask how I know about those. _Long_ story.)

On one of my many whims, I jumped up onto a bench advertising "Fresh off the Merman's Spear; All You Can Eat Seafood!" by a pillar on the familiar platform. I climbed up onto the back and bellowed for everyone to hear, "And now… the moment you have all been waiting for…" I paused dramatically, "I, Sirius Black, have arrived!" I bowed with several flourishes, unable to suppress my wicked grin. Pretending that they were all clapping and cheering for me, I raised my hands to silence the already silent crowd and said, "Now, now, ladies, no need to go crazy, I'll be here 'till eleven o' clock." Congratulating myself with my own brilliance, I took a quick peek at everyones expression.

Many families were shaking their heads, a few even smiled at the silly but handsome little boy making a fool of himself in front of most of the Hogwarts population and their relations. And apparently, I was that foolish boy. Foolish I probably was, but at the time I thought, _Boy? I'm not a boy! I'm a man! I turned eleven last April, for God's sake!_

I winked at some pretty girls that were staring at me in amazement, and they giggled back at me in reply. I thought (and still do think, actually) that it's funny how when you're flirting with a girl, they either get sore about it or start laughing their ditzy heads off. I mean, couldn't they, just for once, flirt back? Would it totally murder them, or do they just not have the brainpower? If there's one thing I still don't understand, it is women.

My eyes left them and I looked around some more, to leave the girlies wanting for more. But I got distracted when my eyes fell on two boys. One was small and fat, the other tall and sick-looking. I smiled at them briefly but genuinely and turned my head to see another kid. He had spiky black hair and glasses, and was grinning at me. It was a nice smile though—not like a scary I'm-going-to-stalk-you grin but a grin that belonged to a humble mischief-maker like myself. I knew instantly that this kid is one of them 'kindred souls', I motioned for him to come up here with me. He took a step forward but looked up at me again with a strange different expression on his face. It was kind of like a 'Run! You have a monster behind you!' kind of look. He waved his arms and mouthed to me frantically to, "_Run!"_

Uh-oh… I had forgotten about Mum. _Mum!_ As if on cue, a vicious claw-like hand grabbed the back of my shirt and dragged me off the bench like I'm a rag doll.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Mum hissed in my ear trying not to attract an audience. I shrugged her hand off my back and rubbed where her fingernails dug into me.

"_Relax_, Mum. Don't have a cow. It's just a bit fun," I tried to reason, but my angelic-ness—more like prat-ness. I had a _big_ head when I was younger—doesn't have any obvious effect on her.

"_Don't have a cow?! A bit of fun?!"_ Both of her boney hands gripped my shoulders like a freagging boa constrictor. I looked up defiantly into her shaking purple-ish hued face and into her steely grey eyes that were so much like mine. If looks could kill, I would have been struck down, dead, on the spot.

"So? What are you going to do? _Ground_ me? The train leaves in five minutes," I challenged her with my hands on my eleven year old hips, making her turn a funny blue color in fury. Of course, I knew I'd probably be skinned alive, come that December when winter break began.

"YOU WILL BE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR SHORT LIFE IF YOU DO NOT DO AS I SAY _RIGHT NOW_, SIRIUS ORION BLACK!" I struggled not to laugh as families turned, looking alarmed, to stare at Mum like she's a crazy woman. This was a major understatement, mind you.

_CHOO CHOO! _The _Hogwarts Express_ chugged slowly up, its horn blaring. Having a brilliant escape plan—because, let's face it, I _was _brilliant (or so I thought at the time)—I pretended to look at an invisible watch on my wrist. (Did I or did I not mention my narcissism? I got over it by my seventh year, but unfortunately, before that I was lost to that particular Black family tradition.)

"Oh, well, look at the time. I'd love to stay and chat, Mother, but I've got a train to catch. Ta!" I sniggered and lunged for my trolley and pulled it away with me, making my way to the train as fast as humanly possible.

Just barely managing to escape her furious rampage, I walked down the center isle, panting and trying to find an empty compartment. Most were filled, but I was psyched to discover one with only the one glasses-clad kid that I saw and liked and some red haired chick.

The black haired kid fidgeted uncomfortably; probably nervous around the gorgeous redhead. She looked extremely bored with her fiery head tipped against the cool window, looking out at the numerous families grouped together. I stepped inside the miniature room and dumped my things unceremoniously onto the floor. Grinning, I stuck my right hand out to the kid with glasses and black hair.

"Hi. I'm Sirius Black."

He took my hand, smiling back.

"James Potter, but you can call me James. I know who you are. That was quite a show back there. I, myself, was debating whether or not I should join you. But with the look on your mom's—I'm guessing?—face I wisely decided against it."

"Yeah, she can get a bit… _wild_ if you know what I mean." James nodded, understandingly.

I turned to the girl with red hair and held my hand out for her. "And who might you be, Miss…?" I said smoothly, and what I hoped sounded suavely.

Lookinging annoyed and ignoring my hand she replied, "I'm Lily Evans, but you can call me Evans."

"Not a very friendly kitten, are you?" I pulled my hand back as if stung. Evans rounded on me with eyes like swords.

"I'm not an animal at all, if you didn't notice, _Black_.But it's obvious _you_ are," she said acidly.

"Ouch!" I threw my hands up in mock surrender and turned back to James, who was staring at Lily like he never saw anything quite like her.

"What's up with her?" I asked with a jerk of my thumb, eyeing James' expression with a funny look on my face. Did he have a thing for that firecrotch? That amused me, for some reason.

"She's an angel…" James whispered softly. I choke out laughter when she looked up, _really_ annoyed and James turned pink. "I—uh… I mean…"

"Shoulda found a better compartment…" the girl mutters angrily.

"Nice going, O Smooth One." I sniggered some more. Jamesy-boy must have really liked this chick. (Oh, how wrong I was. I later found out that James didn't 'really like' her—he '_loved_' her.)

"So… uh…" James hastily changed the subject, "what year are you gonna be in?

"I'm just starting."

"Ah! Me too!" he grinned. "Which house d'you wanna sorted into?"

I puffed up my chest impressively. "Gryffindor. 'Where the brave and bold are best.' My whole family was in Slytherin, and I'm hoping to break the tradition. A few of them, actually. How 'bout you?"

"Gryffindor, probably." James shrugged. "Not that Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff are so bad… But I descended from Gryffindor himself, so I'll probably be in that house anyway."

My mouth fell open and even Evans looked at James. I whistle. "Bloody… Well, then, that settles matters, doesn't —"

"You descended from Godric Gryffindor?" Evans cut me off. I mocked her when she wasn't watching.

"Yep." James said it like it was no big deal.

"Holy cow!" she burst out. I smirked.

"Holy cow? Do you always talk about saintly farm animals?"

"It's a Muggle term… Habits…" she trailed off looking embarrassed.

Suddenly another boy pranced into the room. He was super skinny, pale, had longish greasy black hair, and beetle black eyes. The weirdo kid was wearing short Muggle running shorts and a flappy jacket. He sat down across from Evans.

"Lily, you excited?" the kid breathed, completely ignoring James and me. Well, two could play at that game.

I noticed Evans perks up happily when the grease-ball entered. "Oh, hello, Sev!" she said, launching into a conversation of her own with him.

Obviously miffed, James turned back to me. "As I was saying… Yeah, I'm probably definitely going to be in Gryffindor."

But the dumb boy with black eyes was obviously listening in on us because he said with a wrinkle of his greasy nose, "Gryffindor? Gryffindor is full of noble airheads." He puffed out his chest. "I'm going to be in Slytherin."

I bared my teeth. I had heard of this kid before… Severus Snape. He was part of one of the older wizard families. And nearly all the Old Families are shrouded by Dark Magic, mine included. (Actually, I think the Potters and the Longbottoms are the only ones that aren't...) But _Severus _sounds just like the rest of them. Instantly, almost as fast as I knew I liked James, I know I didn't like this boy. Not at all.

"You sound exactly like my crazy cousins. Perhaps you've heard of them? Narcissa, Bellatrix, and Andromeda Black. I'm sure you'd get along _fine_ with them, _Snivellus._" I sneered. "Besides, Slytherin is for sneaky villains. Did you know You-Know-Who was in Slytherin?" I mea… he was. There weren't any good witches or wizards that came out of Slytherin. Then Evans turned to me.

"You leave him _alone_," she snarled, grabbing the boy's shoulder and yanking him away from me as if I had a contagious disease. More like the other way around. I might have lost interest in personal hygiene if I stay around him too long; because he obviously has.

I shrugged, honestly not caring. "Whatever."

James and were I talking some more while Evans and Snape chatted in the corner, when some more people come in.

"Hi… can we sit in here? Everywhere else is full…" said a tallish boy with sandy hair and grayish blue eyes. By his side is a short, wide eyed, and a bit tubby boy. I recognized them briefly from when I was making my entrance-speech atop the bench on the platform.

"Sure!" James and I said together, shoving our belongings aside so they could sit down too.

"Oh, yeah! I'm Remus Lupin and this is Peter Pettigrew." The kid motioned to the shorter one, who appeared to be too nervous to speak.

"I'm Sirius Black—"

"— and I'm James Potter," he finished my sentence for me as if we'd been doing it our whole life. We grinned at each other.

Meanwhile, evil Evans and stupid Snape ignored the newcomers altogether.

Lupin and Pettigrew plopped down in the seats next to us.

"So… we're starting our first year. How 'bout you two?" I striked up a conversation.

"F—first, too," the smallish blonde boy stuttered nervously.

"Me, also," said Remus Lupin.

"Excellent! So we can all be in Gryffindor together!" James cheered and I joined in with him.

"Yeah, Gryffindor does sound like the most appealing house." Peter nodded in agreement with Remus' statment.

"Snivellus, here," I jerked my thumb at Snape, "thinks otherwise. But let's get the majority vote. Which house do you think is the best, boys?"

I smirked at Snape when James and Peter cheered, "GRYFFINDOR!" and Remus nodded with them. Then the greasy boy started to snarl something back at us, and knowing his family, it was probably a mixture of hexes and curse words, but Evans cut him off again.

"Just ignore them, Sev. They're just trying to get a rise out of you." She gave all four of us the evil eye and turned around again.

"Ooh," James taunted, "looks like Snivellus needs a _girl_ to stick up for himself. What a _coward_. Come and fight us like a man!" James looked him up and down with a wrinkle in his nose. "Or… at least you can fight us like a _boy_." We all laughed, with the exception of Remus. It appeared that he doesn't approve of making fun of Snape. Although, I doubted he'd try and stop us. I inwardly shrugged.

Slowly, Snivellus turned around to face us. His left eye is twitched rather violently and his face was paler than it was before. He let out a choked roar and… _BAM!_

James slumped back in his chair unconscious. My jaw dropped. Snape didn't even use his wand! That bugger! I was going to rearrange his whole bloody face!

"Severus, _NO_!" Evans screeched.

"_AYEE-YAHEE-EEYAAAAH_!" My freaky battle-cry was the only warning that Snivellus was going to get slaughtered. No, exterminated.

Snape tried to move out of the way but I was too fast. Forgetting all about magic, I used my brute force, launching myself onto him like a cat catching its prey. I balled my hands into eleven-year-old-fists-of-fury and I pounded them into every inch of him I could get to.

That stupid bastard! Who did he think he was, cursing James like that! It's not like he even did anything bad! I grunted as I created bruises on his oily, slimy body. I was hardly even aware that Evans was crying and Remus was attempting to pry us apart.

"I—am going—to lodge—my foot—up your bloody—ASS!" I managed to pant out as I slugged him repeatedly. Giving him one last hard pop in the mouth, I let Remus peel me off of Snape. I stopped flailing my arms and I jerked my shirt so there were no wrinkles in it. With a look of great contempt, I spat a humongous gob of phlegm in Snivellus' face.

He had sunken to the floor, where he lay bloodied, giving me a look that said _I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!_

I shrugged in return as if to say, _Do your worst, Snivelly._

"What is this rumpus?" a voice said from the doorway, where a crowd was gathering. I wheeled around to find myself staring up into Lucius Malfrey (or something), the prefect, a.k.a. Cousin Cissy's Boyfriend's face. He's a prat. (Was then and is to this day.) Only prats use the word 'rumpus'. What does 'rumpus' mean, anyway?

Snape attempted to say something but I ran over his lame excuse with my own brilliant one. "Snivellus, here, cursed James for no reason at all," I motioned to James' still unconscious body. "And, naturally, I had to defend him. And it's not like I did any damage that magic can't cure in a second, like he did to poor James."

Meanwhile, Evans was muttering hysterically, bent over James with her wand in hand, saying, "_Gordella_? Oh, that's no good. Oh, Merlin! What was that spell?!" It appeared that she had forgotten her books were right next to her. I snorted.

And all of a sudden James woke up. He blinks once… no, twice and looked up into Evans' almond-shaped green eyes and asked with a husky voice, "Am I in heaven?"

I howled with laughter and everyone else did the same. What a silly old James. Even old Lucius' mouth twitches. Evans threw her hands into the air and stomped out of the compartment and through the mob. "Oh, why do I bother?!" she muttered. She needed to get her mood swings checked up on. Realizing his mistake, James blushed.

Lucius cleared his throat. "Ahem, yes, it seems James is all better, but Severus Snape, you need to come with me."

My eyes went wide in surprise as they stormed away and the crowd dispersed. Whether from karma, the fact he was dating my cousin, because our mums were friends, or from just sheer luck, Lucius had let me off the hook. I gently slid shut the compartment door with one last grin at some hot fourth year girls.

"That was lucky… He must like you, Sirius." Peter whistled.

I shrugged. "He's dating my cousin."

"What happened?" James looked in all our faces.

"Well, after you called Snape a wuss, he blasted you with some wandless magic unconscious. Then Sirius, here, attacked him and nearly beat the guy to death before I managed to pull them apart. Then that prefect came, you woke up, and Snape was hauled away," Remus recapped.

"Wow, thanks, Sirius," said James. "I don't think I'll forget the look on that toerag's face when he got in trouble and you didn't," he laughed evilly.

"Yeah, that was amazing…" Peter said with an awe-filled expression on his likeable, pudgy face.

"I try." I collapsed onto the chair and put my hands behind my head with my feet on the seat across from me. I sighed happily, watching the others. "These are going to be some _fun_, drama-filled years at Hogwarts."

-----

All my fellow first years were standing there awkwardly in our soggy, damp, used-to-be-fresh robes. It was a _very_ stormy Septeber 1st night, and the ride in the boats over the Black Lake did anything but make us warm and dry. So we waited, wind-whipped and chilled to the bone, for the tough looking Professor McGonagall to come back and escort us into the Great Hall 'where we will be sorted immediately'.

The chamber that we were in amazed my socks off. It was probably half the size of a Muggle cafeteria, only the ceiling was twice as far up. If it had been any bigger, it would probably need a few rows of pillars to keep the ceiling from falling in and smashing us into unidentifiable corpses. I wondered if there was a room above that one… I nodded my head in thought. Of course there was a room on top. I didn't think anyone missed how titanic this entire building was. With its flying buttresses and turrets and towers, I doubted even the headmaster knew the whole area.

But I would, soon. I grinned. Just that very second, I made it my First Year Resolution to map out the total school. It would take a few years, but I would get it done eventually. With the help of James, Remus, and Peter of course.

The large room completely dwarfed the group of thirty or forty first years. Everyone was clumped together in the middle of it as if the room would swallow them if they strayed away from the mob. Only James, Remus, Peter, and I were killing the status quo. We were huddled in our own little circle, trying to get warm and going over for about the seventh time today about which house we would be sorted into.

Peter was jabbering away about how Gryffindor was the best, babbling nervously. Remus and I were just kind of standing here, lost in thought, our hands shoved into the pockets of our new black robes. My back was all clammy and gross and I betted Remus was the same. I glanced over at him. But now that I thought about it, Remus did look pretty pale and worn out… he has all day. Whatever. And out of the complete population of the first years, James was the most collected and confident. Everyone else was practically dancing in anticipation with the jitters.

I was trying my best to appear nonchalant, but I could tell Remus, James, and Peter could see right through it. And then they only knew me for like… seven hours. I smiled in thought. The four of us were definitely going to be friends… even if we didn't all get sorted into the same house.

Which brought me in a full circle back to my paranoia. What if I was in Slytherin? I meant, my whole family _was_ in it, so what if the judge (was there a judge? Professor said that there was "an impartial critic that will be assessing us"…) sorted us by our family members? Or by family traditions? Because, I really, _really_ didn't want to be in Slytherin.

I snorted. Mum had already bought me an ugly green tie with a serpent on it. It was too bad it was the only one I had that night, because we were required to wear one. And not wanting to get into even more trouble before I even started to school, I decided to wear it. I snuck glances at everyone elses ties. They were black. No one was expecting _them_ to be in a certain house "_Or else_," like me. Nobody cared if a Jones got sorted into Hufflepuff (which I didn't know if she would or not), but there would be an uproar if, heaven forbid, a Black not be in Slytherin. And somehow, even though he looked so calm, I knew James was thinking the same exact thing, only about himself.

Our eyes meet and he nods once. I nod back in reply.

Right then Professor McGonagall glided back into the room in her emerald cloak and crooked hat. Solemnly, she ordered us to follow her. I took the lead behind her, followed by James, followed by Remus, followed by Peter, followed by the rest of our year.

She opened up two side-by-side swinging, tall, oak doors into what she called 'the Great Hall'. I tried not to look too impressed by what I saw.

The entire room could have probably been the size of a quidditch field… huge. There were four _long_ rows of tables, each filled with about a hundred or so kids in black robes identical to mine. Their ages are ranged from twelve to eighteen years old. Over the tables hung suspended in midair were gigantic tapestries. Four that contained either the scarlet and golden majestic lion of Gryffindor, the lemon yellow and charcoal royal badger of Hufflepuff, the sapphire and white regal hawk of Ravenclaw, and the jade green and silver impressive—I snorted, mort like hideous!—snake of Slytherin.

Facing the four table rows, another lengthy tabletop stretched across the room. In the center of it an extremely old man with a long grey beard was sitting gracefully on a beautifully carved wooden chair. The teacher's table, I realized. The chair to the old gramp's right was empty (probably McGonagall's seat) and to his left was a tubby man with a bushy mustache. On the wall the teacher's table was a whopping tapestry with a giant **H** on it, with the house badgers, snakes, lions, and hawks swirled about it.

I found my eyes wandering around to the Slytherin table. I recognized several figures perched atop one of the benches as if it were a throne. They were Bella, Cissy, Drom, Lucius, and some of their wanna-be-Death-Eater buddies. In a way, they kind of looked like they were in their own private (and sucky) kingdom. While Bellatrix appeared to be the Commander of the Army of Evil Slytherins, Narcissa took the role the Queen, Andromeda the Royal Adviser, and Lucius the King. The rest were the Minions and the Lackeys, the good-for-nothing-but-to-follow-orders losers.

Bellatrix was trying to look important, with her black hair flowing down her black robes that had the Slytherin **S** embroidered on it in green silk, her heavily-lidded grey eyes studying the room to see if anyone try and challenge her, her full red lips scoffed, daring some fool to. I never did like her, the sadistic witch. She always got into trouble and blamed it all on me. Always.

Narcissa was seated beside her 'beloved'—I cringe. Gross!—Lucius. She had the light hair, fair skin, and bright blue eyes of her mother. She appeared to be the opposite of her sister Bellatrix, who has the 'classical Black' look that I had, also. (Except that I didn't have those hideously fat eyelids.) She also was flicking her eyes about the room, staring down the already trembling first years.

As usual, Lucius Perfect Prefect King-ness looked very pompous this night. His back was arrow-strait and his chest thrown out to shown the world his ugly Prefect's Badge, and looking quite comfortable with his arm draped around Cissy. Right now he was trying to tell a Hufflepuff third year, "Stop throwing things or I'll give you detention for a week!"

Andromeda was sitting across the table from Narcissa, whispering something in a Minion's ear when a bug came flying through the air at her face. Not seeing it, it landed on her face. Obviously trying not to scream, she successfully blasted it off her cheek with a jet of yellow fire, the spell not even touching her once. She let out a string of curses that would have impressed the 'Dark Lord' himself, and turned back to her minion. Both she and Bellatrix were the spitting image of their father, my uncle.

Suddenly, I felt all eyes are on me. Or… all _their_ eyes on me. Normally, I craved attention, but this time it had a bittersweet taste to it.

We were still trudging through the tables in a seemingly endless procession of first years. _Finally_, we faced the Teacher's Table, our backs to the rows of students. I could practically feel the Black Sisters' stare burn a gaping hole in my back. In front of us was a three-legged stool and a tattered and battered old hat.

What was this crap? What was that hat for? What happened now? Questions that I soon found the answers to were racing around in my mind like a stampede of broomsticks so loud I could barely hear the sudden music. I glanced around the hall, but it seemed to be coming from right in front of me… The _hat_ was singing! I looked around. Did anyone else find this utterly bizarre?

"_Once upon a time, in a day long past  
There were four great friends of great contrast  
Wizards and witches, were they, and best friends until the end,  
Steadfast, they would not break nor bend.  
Now, I may just be a big old hat,  
But I know more than your average cap.  
So listen here, to the tale of four  
To find out which House you'll be best for. _

The first of all was impressive Godric Gryffindor,  
Who founded the House of which bears his name,  
Brave and noble are considered the best,  
The proud few that carry no shame.  
The next came the illustrious Salazar Slytherin,  
Who favored the ambitious and the cunning.  
Those who have those special features are certainly in the running.  
The third powerful friend was skillful Rowena Ravenclaw,  
who accepts the brilliant and the witty,  
To all others she has no pity.  
The last of four was loyal Helga Hufflepuff,  
Who took the reliable and the just,  
To her, kindness to everyone is a must.

So just put me on your First Year head,  
And I will decide where you belong  
In the four Houses that were said." 

The hall burst into applause, but I still stood there thinking, _What the heck?_ But the McGonagall lady was already hushing the school.

"Now," she reworded the hat's song, "once I call your name, come up here and put the Sorting Hat on your head. It will judge which house you belong in. Once sorted, proceed to the table accordingly.

"Starting with…" she cleared her throat, "Alfred, Henry."

A blondish boy shuffled meekly up to the stool. He quickly picked up the hat and sits down, dropping the ragged garment on his head. Immediately, it sunk down past his ears. Half a second later the hatyelled—

"Hufflepuff!"

The Henry Alfred kid yanked off the hat and raced off the dais to the tables with the yellow and black banner overhead.

"Black, Sirius," was the next name McGonagall said next. I peered around the line of the first years. Where was Sirius Black?

_OH_! I grinned embarrassedly. That would be tough explaining to the others. "Uh… I forgot my name…" I imagined myself saying. How _stupid_ I would sound.

I tried to walk confidently up to the wooden stool. The journey seemed to take forever. It felt like I was walking a prison mile for the second and last time. But eventually, I did make it up to the stool. Feeling as if my heart will stop any second, I sat down and let the hat flop over my eyes. The last thing I saw was James and Remus and Peter giving me a thumbs-up, and Bella, Cissy, and Drom glaring at me expectantly. I swallowed and smiled back nervously.

"Another Black, eh?" the hat whispered in my ear, "Hmm… I see… a lot of brilliance here, potential, too. There's both bravery and deviousness. You could be a great Slytherin—"

"No!" I accidentally said out loud. In my head I whispered _Gryffindor! Gryffindor! Gryffindor!_

"Not Slytherin, eh?" it sounded amused. "Guess you have your mind made up, eh?" I wished it would stop saying 'eh'. "Oh, fine then, I'll stop saying that. Well, it's time for a change for the better, and it seems you're ready for one. Let's go with… GRYFFINDOR!"

I exhaled without noticing that I held my breath. I plucked the hat off my head and jumped up. I felt so happy I could cry. But I didn't, not to worry. I leapt away to the Gryffindor table, skipping, and flailing my arms wildly. I didn't even notice everyone was watching me like I just flew over the cuckoo's nest.

"_So stick that in your freagging juice box and suck on it, Cuzzy_!" I screamed to the Slytherin table with a rude hand gesture. In the background I heard my _fellow_—yes!—Gryffindors cheering with me in agreement. The loudest, I noticed, is James.

Suddenly, Bellatrix stood up, her black robes cascading to the floor, her black wand pointed at my heart. "WHY, YOU LITTLE BLOOD TRAITOR! I'LL TEACH YOU A LESSON, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING—" Bella's screeching voice was easily heard above the din. Her face was purple in rage and even Narcissa and Andromeda were standing by her side now. How they reminded me of Mum…

"Silence." The old man's commanding yet quiet voice was even more distinctive than Bellatrix's. "Now, I'd like to ask all the Blacks to please sit down," his tone was light enough, and even if it weren't, we would still obey. Grudgingly, all four of us sat down, me, at the Gryffindor table. (I was still dancing inside from that.)

When I sat down a fifth or sixth year boy clapped me on the shoulder and grins. "Well done," he whispered to me, "you successfully aggravated the Black sisters."

I shrug. After all, they are just my cousins. "I'm not afraid of them. What can they do? Hex me? Big deal." I waved my hand airily.

The kid grinned again. "Finally, a true Gryffindor. By the way, my name's Frank Longbottom, Prefect, I guess."

I smiled back. Who knew there was a not-egotistical Prefect around here? "Sirius Black."

"Ahem," the McGonagall lady clears her throat and shoots me a pointed look and continues, "As I was saying…"

McGonagall continued on with her seemingly endless list of first years to be sorted. I stifled a bored sort of yawn and twiddled my thumbs. I liked Bella's reaction to my sorting. I wanted her and the whole family to realize that I'm _not_ just like her. That I _do_ care who I hurt, not including them. That, unlike her, I won't try to teach my five year old cousin how to do the Cruciatus Curse. And I _will not_ support the Dark Lord, goddamn it!

"Evans, Lily." McGonagall droned tonelessly after six other names. But this time I turned my head to see Lily Evans sitting down on the bench biting her lip with the hat covering her eyes. I hoped to God almighty himself she's not in Gryffindor. The hat opened its mouth and yelled—

"Gryffindor!" My table cheered. I groaned and sunk into my chair. Of all people, not her! Evans walked nervously down to the table and sits opposite of me. I didn't even bother to cover up another groan.

-----

All four of us ended up being sorted into Gryffindor. We all grinned at each other, cracking jokes about Snivellus or Slytherin or the Black Sisters. I felt so happy, like a sponge soaking up the good things in life. I had friends now… Not just cousins that treated me like shit, but _friends_. How glorious it felt.

After the whooping cheers quieted down, Professor Dumbledore stood up, his grey beard falling gracefully to his knees. "Welcome, to another year at Hogwarts!" Everyone cheered wildly. I joined in enthusiastically. "Now, before we all eat, let me tell the First Years that the Forbidden Forrest is forbidden, hence the name.And I'd like to say two words before we begin… dig in!"

Before the words even left his mouth, mountains of food appeared on the plates in front of us. Piles of kabobs (kaboobs, James and I joked), potatoes, salads, stews, vegetables, grapefruit, and everything I could think of burst up onto the silver and gold platters and bowls before us. My stomach growled like a furious lion at the sight. I hadn't even realized how hungry I was until now!

Before its even done popping up, I started shoving food into my mouth, whatever I could reach. I didn't even bother loading up my personal plate, I just used the spoons or knives or whatever that I was supposed to be filling it with.

"Wow, someone must be hungry," Remus commented mildly in my direction.

"Ooh hah o' aheeya!" My mouth was full of… well… I still don't really know, but it tasted pretty good. I think it was green beans, pumpkin bread, meatloaf, and some wild rice, but I'm not sure. Only, the talking made me spray the food everywhere, but mainly across the table. At Lily.

"Oh—_my lord_! What's the matter with you?!" she screeched, wiping bits of chewed food out of her red hair.

I burst out laughing, spraying more slop everywhere. I couldn't help it! Oh my god! She looked so ridiculous! I could hear James and Peter howl with laughter, and I could tell Remus was struggling to hide a smile. I pounded my fist into the table at the hilariousness situation, trying not to snort the food in my mouth up my nose from laughing so hard.

"Here let me get that—" Good old Remus was about ready to help grab another speck out of Lily's hair when Lily snapped.

"Don't touch me! Don't, _any_ of you, _ever touch me!_" And without further ado, she threw her hands up into the air, stood up, and stalked off to the other end of the table.

Remus looked confused. "I was only trying to help!"

Then we all burst into laughter all over again.

-----

Oh gosh, I felt about ready to burst. Like, literally. I ate _so_ much that night—all the platters surround me are completely empty—although there are crumbs scattered about like a raccoon found the feast. The four of us were slumped back in our chairs, bellies bulging, still talking about Lily's anger outburst. Ah, t'was classic.

The school was still chatting when the old man—the Headmaster Dumbledore, I bet (I heard Mum complaining about how he ran the school, but he seemed pretty cool to me)—stood up again and held up a graceful hand to quiet us. The room fell silent immediately.

"And now, my favorite part of the new school year… it's time for the Hogwart's Song!"

Everyone grinned and clapped their hands in delight. I smiled, though inwardly I was thinking, _What's the Hogwart's Song?_ But the school had begun already. Even the old dirty hat was singing.

"_Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,  
Teach us something please,"_

Even though I didn't really know the words, I started to sing with the rest of the school a few beats behind them. Everyone seemed to be going to their own tune at their own pace. The only people that didn't sing were the Slytherin Kingdom members, who thought that they were too good for it. I grinned as James and I sung like a female opera star. Remus was doing some weird Whinny-the-Pooh tune and Peter was just mumbling.

"_Whether we be old and bald  
Or young with scabby knees,  
Our heads could do with filling  
With some interesting stuff,  
For now they're bare and full of air,  
Dead flies and bits of fluff,  
So teach us things worth knowing,  
Bring back what we've forgot,  
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,  
And learn until our brains all rot."_

James and I were last to finish, with a dangerously high note.

"Excellent!" Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. "Now, it's has been a long day for everyone," some teachers next to him nodded empathetically, "and it's time to go to bed! First Years, see your prefect. Good night, everyone!"

And with a screech of wooden chairs on marble flooring, everyone stood up. The first to leave were my cousins and their band of followers.

"First years! This way, first years!" Longbottom called for us with beckoning arms. Like whipped little puppies, we followed him up some staircases. Walking with him—with a nice butt, too—was a Gryffindor girl about his age with a prefect's badge. Probably his girlfriend, I realized with an inward sigh.

We stopped walking about four stairways up at a large painting of an ugly fat lady. She was slouched on limestone bench, a bottle of Firewhisky in hand. How interesting… an alcoholic painting.

"Right," he said briskly, "so, to get into the Common Room, you need a password. And if you forget the password, you'll have to stand out here and wait for someone who knows it to come by and let you in. And trust me, that is _not_ fun. So, the password this year is 'hinkypunk'. I repeat for your hearing pleasure, 'hinkypunk'. Don't forget it." At the mention of the password, the painting swung open inwardly to reveal a passageway.

"This," he gestured to the painting of the fat drinking woman, "is the Fat Lady. She's the entranceway to the Common Room—don't forget where this place is either—and to get in, just tell her the password. Got that so far?

"Just so you know, Professor McGonagall's the Head of House but the only time you'll ever see her in there is if there's an emergency or you guys are up partying too late." At this he grinned and winked, I thought, in my direction. I grinned back at him as if to say that we would be seeing her lots, in that case.

"Your luggage has already been brought in and put in your rooms and your schedules are on the round table. Uhh… boys' dormitories are to the right, girls' are to the left."

"Ahem!" the Fat Lady seemed to be peeved from leaving her swung open too long. "Are you going to go in or just leave me open all night?" she snapped.

"Err… sorry. Well, in you go." Longbottom motioned us in.

We all gathered our schedules from the table, which were printed in black on a roll of parchment. Instantly, James, Peter, Remus, and I gathered together and compare them.

"Sweet!" James cried, "We're all in the same classes!"

I grinned mischievously. "All the better to cause chaos in them."

"Tomorrow we have… Transfigurations, Potions, and History of Magic," Remus said, still scanning the paper.

Peter looked worried. "I heard Professor McGonagall gives detention to everyone the first week, so they know what it feels like."

Remus looked at him sharply. "Who told you this?"

Peter scuffed his toes on the floor not meeting Remus' eyes. "That Hufflepuff Diggle boy."

"He has nothing between his ears." And with a dissmissive wave of his hand, Remus continued to scan the schedule but Peter still looked worried.

I collapsed into a big, red armchair. I didn't like to _sit_ down on a sofa our chair, I liked to _collapse_ or _flop_ onto one. 'Sitting' made you look like a dainty prat. I yawned. I was tired. The events of that evening had worn me out, but I'm bored now.

"Did you guys see how big this place is?" I asked.

"Are you kidding me? Who could miss it?" Peter said.

"Dude, we should totally explore the place! I mean, it's practically begging us to, and who's going to stop us?" James said enthusiastically.

"James, my friend, you read my mind," I leaned back in the chair, twining my fingers back behind my head, my eyelids drooping. "We can just as soon as w—we—ee familiarize ourselves with the castle." I stifled a yawn mid-word.

"Excellent idea," Remus said to my surprise. "We should start at the astronomy tower and work out way down to the kitchens. I think that exploring the common rooms would be the most fun because, who knows what the Founders—did you guys listen to the Sorting Hat's song? In my opinion, it was fascinating—hid inside them, waiting for curious beings such as ourselves to solve their mysteries. I heard that in the Hufflepuff one, through the base of a table—"

But the rest of Remus' ramblings I did not hear. I had fallen fast asleep on a squishy sofa in the Gryffindor common room, still clutching my class schedule.

-----

Slowly, my dizziness disperses. The memory had left me with a head ache that kind of reminds me of a hangover. I steady myself with a steel bar and stand up, only to sit back down again because there is no actual reason to stand up. My heart aches from seeing—remembering—James' face so clearly. From seeing Peter pretend to be our friend only to destroy us later in life. From seeing Remus' lycanthropy side affects and not recognizing them and not comfort him in any way. From realizing just because of one foolish mistake of mine, my best mate and his family were brutally murdered.

I frown. Why did the Dementors give me that memory? Why, out millions, had that one come to my mind? Was it to remember what I once had? Or how this all began? Or how it could have been different—I could have been a Slytherin, or not friends with Remus, Peter, or James? Or was it just a coincidence? Many different possibilities flooded my mind, only to make my throbbing headache deepen.

* * *

Author's Note: Pretty long, I know. They won't all be this way, but I hope you enjoyed it.  
Sorry for some past/present tense errors in there. I originally wrote this in present tense and then quickly changed it to past, which totally threw me off.  
And I seem to have misplaced my DH copy, so the _Hogwarts Express_ scene didn't go totally according to plan.  
Did you like my Sorting Hat song? Pretty cheesy. I was never very talented at making poems.  
If there are any major mechanic mistakes in this, point them out so I correct them.  
(Thanks for the review, Geeky Quill!) 


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